I’ve been told this is one of the most famous TED talks. So most of you have already seen it. But what hits me is that if most of you like it this means it touches you in a way. You connect to it. Or it connects to a part of you which has already experienced what she’s saying. Which eventually means- so many people are in fact creative! They have just not mastered the appropriate means of expression.

It is indeed phenomenal how she structures her words. How she plays with them. Like she has disected and learned the potential of this tool called “English language”. So she builds like an arcitect with it. By learning what you can do with a tool  you can really start to play with it. For example, putting in ridicule to portray and sketch a concept of divinity.

Sometimes I feel truly powerless. I try to explain something but words are either so elusive or never potent enough to portray what’s in my head. So I use tons of words. I layer and layer and layer so eventually and very hypothetically  through the conglomerate of the piles of words used one could get a clumsy representation of my initial thought. Other times I just go down the lazy road and make up words on my own. Especially in Bulgarian.

But the real hard work, for which I admire  people like her is the effort to successfully put down a concept in mainstream language. To have the grandeur of inspiration but then make that effort to bring the concept down so we, with our limited senses and perceptions can communicate.  Such people are  not just a pipeline. They are hard workers. They don’t just see themselves like those pretentious bohemian minds who think they shoudln’t bother trying to put across their igeniousness to the “ungifted”. Because it takes courage and hard work to lay your message. Because people matter. And communication is essential!

And I firmly believe it is a struggle to learn to channel the energy coming from the brilliance of inspiration. To settle it through the limited means of language and touch other people. Hard work indeed! That’s why I like people who always have little pieces of paper around them; tiny booklettes in their pocket, a tape recorer in the handbag, or the appropriate application on their phone. It shows their desire to grasp- with the tools developed in our physical world – notions coming from that mystical idea place where the limits of language, sight, smell…do not exist. So, what I am eventually trying to conclude is: master the  physical tool so you can give birth to your ideas.  Be it language, drawing, crafts, music…For most of us get inspired soo easily and of the tiniest things. Which means so many people are artists. Some just don’t know it yet!

It means to start Anew. From the beginning. This is what everyone tries to do right after New Years. Making resolutions. This is what I did in January 2010. I made great plans. Long list. I was smart though. I made two categories: one with achievable goals and one with long term goals on which I want to start working during 2010. Why am I writing about New Year Resolutions in mid July? Because, I recently found that awesome list. And I started laughing how ambitious I was in trying to control my life.

Well, you see for the past half a year my life has been everything but that list. It has been so much more. Because I made it so.  Because I have learned to feel free. And this newfound freedom expresses itself in my daily choices. I feel free to call whoever I want to call not caring about being misunderstood again. I feel free to make plans with people I’ve just met. I feel free to start dancing lessons (for which I will devote a lot in an upcoming post I have been trying to write for the past month or so). I feel super free to drive my ridiculous vintage bicycle with a friend who laughed at me for four hours. I feel free to eat just vegetables, although everyone nags me for my proteins. I feel free to go away. I feel free to stay.

And I feel free to go in the sea on a powerboat. And drive it! Me- the motion sickness, no muscles girl driving a powerboat. And feeling super good. Mindblowingly amazingly gooooood!

So, my dear Vanya. None of this was in your New Year Resolutions, right? We can sketch as much life plans as we want. Practice those amazing planning skills. Feel good about checking the “achievements” out. But the best things in life come unexpected. You just need to be ready and open to seize them. And fully enjoy. Brrrrrrrmmmm…

Ohhhhh time…. Time has always been such a tricky concept for us to grasp. Even Einstein’s and Newton’s profound interpretations of time and space did not make us apply their relativity to our everyday perceptions. Of people. And the world.

In her book “The Fountainhead” Ayn Rand makes it very clear. Usually people say time goes by so quickly when it’s good and so slowly when nothing happens. Actually, it’s all the other way around. When your “now” is meaningful and full of emotions time stops. Moments feel like eternity. In retrospect, a week passed could feel like a year. Whereas, if nothing of substance happens- times twist and bridge. There’s nothing to fill in between “nothing” and “nothing”. So two years ago could seem like yesterday. And your whole life could fit in a blink of an eye.

So when that someone you were waiting for comes back it’s like he had never left. Times bridge!

If only we could all take people as they come. Not just viruses.

God, sometimes I am filled with sooo much self- doubt my head will explode. I feel restless, insecure, not knowing who am I supposed to be, where am I supposed to live, and what am I supposed to do. I become one big ball of intertangled emotions and confused thoughts. The thing is- I really miss living in two different countries. I feel restrained by living in just one.  And this resonates in me, causing great confusion. I’m unsure of what to do with my life, and what scares me the most is the fear I might never find out the answer. I just talked to someone very important to me and he said: “Well, do the small everyday things you enjoy. You cannot just expect to sit there contemplating and find out the purpose of your life. Do the things you like and answers will eventually come along” (Thank you by the way. If I decide to jump off a cliff without a security rope, you’ll definately be on my “to call” list:).

But sometimes I don’t even know what I like. Confused, really confused. The dualism of this world  is  just incredible. You get freedom and you feel lost and lonely. You get security and you feel restrained. Where is the truth? Here is an interesting article on my generation. Perhaps I should really head off for living 7 years in Tibet. I’ll find myself a monastery and just swipe off floors with a hand made broom. Learn to appreciate things like a grain of rice per day and the sound of a fly!

The why worry generation

Yesterday, we had a great group discussion about how to go about our new “Tuk-Tam” project. It will focus on professional orientation and motivation for kids in Bulgarian high schools. Brainstorming was awesome. I always find it invigorating to meet people who actually want to do stuff and not just do the big talk. We liked the following approach on group decision making. Thanx, Peter:)

“We don’t strive for consensus these days. We allow for a passionate minority to outweight a blah majority. So couple of people that really want to do a deal can outvote 5 that don’t. We try to invest in things that most people think are crazy ideas. No good idea that changes the world is usually regarded as one at it’s outset. In retrospect we all change our stories. Things that in retrospect made sense, but at the time no one predicted it. So if everyone thinks your idea is good, it’s probably not a big idea. If most people think the idea is bad-that’s great, as long as you find that somebody who thinks it’s a good idea. So if you find that 1-10 ratio, with one person in ten who likes your idea that’s perfect, as long as you respect that one person and he is not just the village idiot.” Steve Jurvetson, partner at Draper Fisher Jurvetson.